It is a wonderful life!

Okay, so I'm not usually one for serious blogs (from me) and it's not often that I unload and send some message into cosmic cyperspace. But if you haven't read the last blog I posted, read it and come back to this one b/c it is the basis for this blog. I received an email from G and I just had to posted b/c it made me cry like the big baby I have been with the worst hormonal roller coaster of my life. Last year when we decided to have a baby I knew it would change my life and I was in for the ride and experience of a lifetime, but I didn't realize the extent it would change me. Zoë has changed me and I am a better person because of her and my love for her. I now know all of those times my mom and Genia tried to explain to me the lengths a mother will go for her children, to help them even if it's not the wisest decision by other people's standards or outlooks. So many times I have judged others for helping their children stating "they will never learn if you keep stepping in. How will they ever learn to stand on their two feet?". Now I understand the ache and pain a mother feels when her child suffers. I would do anything to keep Zoë from hurting or to protect her. I've also seen that judging is not my job, and yet I find myself trying to "help" the Good Lord do his job. He is the judge, not me. Zoë has taught me how wonderful motherhood is and everytime she does something new I want to shout it on the rooftop b/c it is the most important thing to me and I somehow in my little head think everyone else wants to know her newest little development that is so huge to me! She now knows how to blow and blew sweet potatoes all over me this weekend. :) So if you read my blog and wonder why it's full of Zoë's latest developments it's b/c I think some of you might really care to read about her and also b/c my life revolves around her.
The world stops in the afternoons and I rush home to pick her up and half the time I don't answer the phone at night b/c nothing is as important as those 2 or 3 hours with her before she goes to bed. So FYI to all the ones I love out there, please don't get mad when I don't answer. I only have 2 to 3 hours with her at night and I will call you back when I have a free moment.
Have any of you other working mothers out there feel guilty for leaving your little one all day while you go off to work to try to make a living to provide for your family? I do everyday, and I have had a terrible time trying to balance work and family. I went back to work on August 4th, and last month was the first month I didn't cry every single day! I was so convinced that I wasn't depressed! But I was! I had such a hard time being away from Zoë and I thought it was suppose to get better once you had done it for a while, but it kept getting worse and there was a period of time that I had trouble doing by job b/c I could not quit thinking about her even though I knew Aunt Debbie was taking good care of her.
I have finally realized that my house is going to suffer for the next 18 years and so be it!!! I always thought having a spotless or clean house was really important b/c its a reflection upon me. I still feel that way, so guess what, I hired someone to help me rather than trying to do it all myself! I'd rather have that than dinner out or something else extra each month! That's more time I have with my little BooBoo Bella.
Hope you all have a wonderful holiday season! Full of family and friends. May your house be as messy as mine and may the memories of your children be of having the best time and cleaning up the mess later! Because, believe me, the mess will wait but our children are growing up every second with every breath we take and I don't want to miss a moment of it!